[ Posted on April 23, 2006 @ 10:30 pm ] may I just say that there is no other choice but too love, when you want to hate you cannot just unblock those feelings forever. They come and go, but they never seem to completly fade away. I will miss him, forever and I would be the perfect one for him. But this world, for some reason is pulling us apart. Does that make us any stronger, or less weak? I cannot answer these questions anymore, or try too. I just will let faith take it's journey. I wont fall back onto something I will regret. But I wont regret you. Not ever. Your the truth in my heart. My head is so full of confussion. I am leaving......... I hope this is the right choice. Comment

it hurts; however, Dont sweat the small stuff. Because it's all small stuff [ Posted on April 18, 2006 @ 10:43 pm ] Ready to make huge flip around. I am seventeen, and will be moving to a place that I am not use to. But I cant slow down, and I am learning what makes me tick. I need to have power and control of myself, freedom and saftey, strength and will power. Here I am a junior, graduating as a senior, entering a new horizon, something brand new. I will take what I keep closest to my heart, and the stuff that I dont carry up there, will be a long lost memory. I guess love will be packed away, but not brought out. It's always the same "who knows what the future holds". Hundreds of miles away, it seems as if the world might freeze. I am scared to loose you, but I have the biggest hopes for my education and pride. I guess I have to put myself first, make it through anything, and if it's ment, it will be there. I will be here, but I dont promise myself to someone who loves me, but doesn't want a committment. I understand him, and I respect his wishes. I am not calling, not writing I love you's, I am giving him his space. I wont make arrangements to see him, but I will invite him to my small graduation party. this song... is my song deticated to him. it hurts, but I love him, When all our tears have reached the sea Part of you will live in me Way down deep inside my heart The days keep coming without fail A new wind is gonna find your sail That’s where your journey starts You’ll find better love Strong as it ever was Deep as the river runs Warm as the morning sun Please remember me Just like the waves down by the shore We’re gonna keep on coming back for more ’cause we don’t ever wanna stop Out in this brave new world you seek Oh the valleys and the peaks And I can see you on the top You’ll find better love Strong as it ever was Deep as the river runs Warm as the morning sun Please remember me Remember me when you’re out walkin’ When the snow falls high outside your door Late at night when you’re not sleepin’ And moonlight falls across your floor When I can’t hurt you anymore You’ll find better love Strong as it ever was Deep as the river runs Warm as the morning sun Please remember me Please remember me ------------------------------------------------------------ anyhow, my uncle and I went to wallmart. he is the best, one of the most intelligent yet funniest men I have ever encountered. He believes in me, so does my aunt. Being here under there roof has really gave me a huge inspiration to do something incredible with my life. And we both know, HEY IT'S ALL SMALL STUFF and it is amazing. Being so thrilled to be on top! I love my mom, my dad, my stepmom who is as close to a mom in my heart now then ever. I love them, but I dont concider them to be role models. I love them unconditionally, but too many faults I see and had to overcome. Being on my own will be a challenge. I hope in all ways I bet the struggle and make it "SPLURGE" I want it, where it burns for an urge. I CAN DO IT Comment

I want to ... [ Posted on April 16, 2006 @ 8:29 pm ] Why is it impossible for you to not stay happy with me , we fight and I become broken inside. I am never going to heal, because blake you have that part of me that no one person can contribute too, or ever fill. But what makes me most unhappy, is I wont get to see you only through the pictures I take to Ind. with me. I will come back 4-6 years from now, and come for you. Maybe to see how you are doing, what life brings you. I am emotional to the point where I am scared to even call, because I dont want to make the wrong sound, or speak something which makes you mad. I'm now offically crazy.. I am writing to myself, that I will only read. With hope that he will rescue me. I will be leaving offically in aug. but i go up there to Ind. in june to sign up for courses and such. I am NERVOUS! I love you blake. Comment

[ Posted on April 14, 2006 @ 12:08 am ] I have to get a grip, things are still going really good. I cannot expose myself to another break down. I want things to stay level and focused. Being strong is harder to do then I thought. But I am a strong individual, and tough at that. I need to stop worrying so much, But I think somewhat worry and care show the same affection. Loving is so unpridictable. In ways you hate it , you love it more. I do so much, so intense, then ever before. GODSH I want to grasp it so tight, never let it go. I seriously think that and death are the only two things that can keep me from going to Ind. My heart longs for blake, my soul feeds off just his voice I hear on the phone. I sound phony, but it's so deeply honestly TRUE! I have this to talk to myself now, where I dont have a care in the world what I say, as long as honest and truth come from what i write. No one reads this, so im safe from critism. And if you do read this , enjoy i guess. I dont know where I began to go so crazy. Maybe being hurt so badly, leads you to becoming a bad person? I couldn't hold the fear in so i released it , with a mean unpassionate exposion. I know from what I have learned and experienced, yes craig was my first love, and he was the one who took my virginty, but he is not the one I still hold closest to my heart. We both understand that before, me chasing him back and forth, was unfair and unreal. I just cannot ever see me with him nor do i want that. he is a close friend but that is all. we both respect that. amanda i am so happy for you too!!!!!! My love, the one I cherish, who brings charm into my life, which is blake. I hurt him soo badly, that those scares seem irrepairable. But I stress this, because I dont want it that way, and He is the one for me to be with. I can make him happy. He gave that rotten old me so many chances, and now im doing good, im living to the fullest that I have ever lived, and he is dead affraid of me. I want to turn this around, and I am trying. But I seem to hurt us arguing, then over-board (with what I say). If I can take everything back I would. I would first undo all the men who hurt me, before I hurt blake. I care about blakes pain and sufferage more then I do myself these days, because I want to see him happy, living to the fullest. It is sad, in a way to see him so crowed in the party scene. I hate that part of life. I can tolerate drinking and smoking some pot, but I cant help but have a serious unease to that lifestyle. But maybe that is what truely makes him happy. If I am not the one to make him happy, then I dont give up. I will just pray for him. I pray for an us. because i do love him, with my complete all. not so sad of news - i got surgery . but im ok. stupid spiders softball is almost over and i cannot play I really dont want to smoke another cig. Comment

[ Posted on April 06, 2006 @ 9:25 pm ] My purpose. Comment

Tonight was another night [ Posted on April 04, 2006 @ 11:03 pm ] School seemed drawn out today, I felt this urge to just sleep which I did and it felt nice. I really am getting more anxious to get out of school. But college is coming up soon. I guess I am excited. nervous. Softball is eh alright, and school is better now. I just really wish I had someone to share a complete love with. A good relationship, would fulfill me. But I am dating blake, and as of now thats all we are, dating. I want us to work all of things out. I miss him terribly. I guess I need some sleep. -Angelina Comment

[ Posted on April 03, 2006 @ 11:24 pm ] The words of a godess and how she tells you a long story Comment

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